Tunnel

What do we say, feel and understand about tunnels? In some way, it gives me feelings of claustrophobia. It also reminds me of the 1996 movie Daylight where an explosion happened inside a New Jersey Tunnel that trapped people inside then the frenzy carried on. And the tragic death of Lady Diana in 1997.

Tunnels can also mean connection. From the dark, the lonely, the sad, the empty that connect towards the light. It is like a soft call or a subtle way to get to the other side of trouble. A metaphor for breaking free. Like death and rebirth. A beginning and an end. An end can never come if it wasn’t begun. Just like grief, unfortunately, there isn’t a shortcut and the only way to get past it is through it.

A friend who came out from a near-death experience recounts going through abysmal darkness where the far end of it appears to be a ray of light. Going through the dark tunnel, she heard voices similar to cries of despair and anguish. In my mind, it was like how purgatory was described in my earlier exposure to religion. She continues; the one strong force that brought her back to her body was the cries of her young children. For she felt deeply seduced by the light and the closer she gets there, the lighter she floats. The pain in her heart slowly transformed to release…

Physicists and Scientists have a new term though referring to “tunneling” as an escape by the electrons where it is impossible to escape. In quantum physics, these tiny electrons are far less definite than objects in our much larger world. When we talk about matter in so small a form as this electron, material existence breaks down. And so they can be anywhere, no exact location. This electron may be here but can also be there at the same time. Metaphorically describing this escape perhaps requires us not to look for a door or a way out but against the wall by which we are living. Then the thought of impossible escape recurs.

But what is it about escaping? Run away from something unpleasant, uncomfortable feelings? Mostly a coping mechanism. For a long time in my life, I have been in escaping mode until I pushed hard to confront this wall I was living through. Slowly, I earned some courage to sit with the discomforts and pain in an attempt to repair my shattered heart. Only through it can one get to the other side. No short cuts really. Distraction and procrastination may be a temporal solution but they are only bandaids to mask reality. First, I had to allow myself to take a deeper look at what is here. What is true? Where am I? Am I in denial? Accepting? Or a radical openness to go through the painful but rewarding process in order to receive the gift of expansion? The contrast: Scary and beautiful dance with truth…and then love carries me through.

Getting to this point may take a while. This point of becoming. Not breaking into pieces but becoming. Evolving. Transforming. Expanding. These gifts, I want them more than ever! Tunnel — connector that transports you to the other side.